This is a blog about Cancer, Breast Cancer, Metastatic Cancer. Not that I don't have other things to talk about.

I would like for other readers with cancer to be able to find my blog easily and I'm not sure how to make that happen. I thought I'd try this.

A Hiccup in the Universe

Just as the momentum was building for relaunching this blog, my computer expires. I've been using George's computer for the past few months, postponing the repair of my Dell. A couple of days ago, our computer friend took it and said he'd have it back in a few days ready to use. Then he called saying he'd repaired it and then the hard drive crashed. Luckily, he had a used hard drive he'd be happy to install at a good price. Do it, I said. That hard drive collapsed as soon as it became part of my computer. Everyone recommends a new computer.
Okay. I could kick and whimper and twitch, or I could buy a new computer. Actually the computer friend, Luke, has offered to build me a computer, this time a desk top. Oh how I've loved having a laptop, but it's true that I hardly ever moved it. It was too heavy to travel with and my desk is the most comfortable place to write. And this way, I can have a 20 INCH SCREEN!!! Whooooohoooooo!!!!!!!!!!
So, the momentum is idling a bit right now because I still haven't figured out how to download pictures on George's computer and I really love posting pictures on this blog. And we are leaving a week from today to spend two weeks in Southern Utah....in Zion and at Capitol Reef....without a computer.
And if I'm willing to make big decisions quickly, I could have a new computer when I get home.
Until then, everybody breathe.
Again.

Resurrection

I just spent the last half hour trying to download Van Gogh's painting of Lazarus rising from the dead. It's so perfect to go with this entry, but this isn't my computer and so everything had to go wrong no matter how many times I tried it, so maybe I'll go back and lay down and rise from the dead some other day. Like when I get MY computer back from the shop.
Yet, after all that effort I've built up some momentum, which is hard to come by these days.
With said momentum, I am going to say a few things here. I'm back. I'm feeling pretty alright, if you don't count the nausea and the fatigue. With a little momentum, I'm going to post my first blog entry in months. Jill, who has let her blog lapse too, just said it seems like so much effort for something that nobody reads. Well, she reads mine and I read hers, and I know there are a handful of people who read mine, or at least did when back when I was on fire for it and telling everyone to check it out.
I'm wondering: Does it matter whether anyone reads it or not?
What I think today is: what matters is that I do it. It's like that with just about everything, I suspect, though I have spent most of my life holding out for the big payoff. Now I'm not so sure there's such a thing. Now I'm thinking it's whatever joy I get out of doing a thing, and maybe all the better if nobody actually knows that I've done the thing. Or if I don't know whether anyone knows that I've done the thing. Then I'm not holding out for something besides the joy of doing the thing. That's what I think today, so far. And I think that's pretty good, considering I have just risen from the dead.