Resurrection

I just spent the last half hour trying to download Van Gogh's painting of Lazarus rising from the dead. It's so perfect to go with this entry, but this isn't my computer and so everything had to go wrong no matter how many times I tried it, so maybe I'll go back and lay down and rise from the dead some other day. Like when I get MY computer back from the shop.
Yet, after all that effort I've built up some momentum, which is hard to come by these days.
With said momentum, I am going to say a few things here. I'm back. I'm feeling pretty alright, if you don't count the nausea and the fatigue. With a little momentum, I'm going to post my first blog entry in months. Jill, who has let her blog lapse too, just said it seems like so much effort for something that nobody reads. Well, she reads mine and I read hers, and I know there are a handful of people who read mine, or at least did when back when I was on fire for it and telling everyone to check it out.
I'm wondering: Does it matter whether anyone reads it or not?
What I think today is: what matters is that I do it. It's like that with just about everything, I suspect, though I have spent most of my life holding out for the big payoff. Now I'm not so sure there's such a thing. Now I'm thinking it's whatever joy I get out of doing a thing, and maybe all the better if nobody actually knows that I've done the thing. Or if I don't know whether anyone knows that I've done the thing. Then I'm not holding out for something besides the joy of doing the thing. That's what I think today, so far. And I think that's pretty good, considering I have just risen from the dead.